To become really focused and productive, I shut myself out from others, and just blast praise and worship.
I find it healthier to let my anger or frustration out on cleaning or something than blowing up on someone else. The same reason I shut myself out. The praise and worship gives me a sense of balance of where I need to be and who I need to be. It rids me of all my negative thoughts and in away vent out how I feel.
I miss my family and friends. But the thing is sometimes it doesn’t feel like my friends miss me. It really hard because I think about going home and seeing everyone but wonder who is really going to be waiting. With all this time that has passed, I can see my friendships changing. My heart becoming cold and all I want to do is not go back home. There are those select few and of course my family but it confirms I don’t want to live there.
Today I thought about the words “I miss you.” And wondered do we only miss a certain individual at a certain point of time, when that person interacts with you? I mean I do the same thing, someone who I haven’t talked to in awhile pops up and suddenly I can say “I miss you”, but do I just miss them now or the whole time. Why say I miss someone when you don’t do anything about it? If you miss someone you should try to make the effort to interact with them, am I wrong? I’m asking all these questions because being here and away from everyone, this is what pops up in my mind. If I go home, are people going to hit me up just cause I’m home? Why didn’t you talk to me when I got out of boot camp? And I swear when I do get home (I will post some shit on IG or FB saying I’m going out to eat, and everyones invited) if I get a damn “TFTI” well too fucking bad, you seen it, I’m not going to text everyone on my phone.
I feel better now. Hope to see everyone soon.
There are some who I just want to talk to, but as much as I try I feel like I no response or hardly any. It just makes it harder to want to talk to them. It alters my mind how I feel about them and how I see our friendship. It’s like I know you seen the texts but you can’t respond? This is all the sappy annoy venting I just want to let out, cause I will move on. When I do come home, I know things will be different, it’s like my cousin said “you find out who your real friends are.” I’m blessed to have my group of best friends, my fam our HIMYM group, as well as some other best friends, and those special friends too.